How can I live with him/her by my side after their death? - 9 rituals to ground yourself in love

I remember every time my father was going somewhere, he would stop for a bit in front of the door.

The door had metal frames with textured glass tiles.

He had a photo of his mum and dad together in one of the tiles, with tiny flowers that fit nicely on the frame. Before leaving, he would make the sign of the cross, kiss his hand and touch the photo.

I remember this so vividly. I was just a kid but the energy I got from this ritual was one of gratitude and devotion.

My father’s mum passed when he was born, and his father died when he was 7 years old.

With this ritual, everyday my father was thanking his parents for his life and was leaving the house with them by his side. It was clear he could feel their love and company and he loved that.

Rituals help us know and feel that our loved ones live on in our hearts

Perhaps more and more in a society that is too focused on being strong, and where feelings can be perceived as a weakness or an obstacle to “carrying on with life”, the subtleties and beauty of compassion, love and devotion are being tossed aside or ignored. It is not that grief is not there, and it is not true that we can toss feelings aside and continue being “strong”. It is not true we can carry on without them and it is not true that we don’t need time and space for sacredness and spirituality in our lives. In fact, I believe this attitude of obliviousness and distance are creating a void in our hearts, a void where love is not allowed in and where the recognition of our own lives being sacred is missing.

One of my friends asked me the other day, what do I do now that my father is gone? I understood from both her body and spoken language that she was asking how can I live now, with him by my side?

One of the rituals I shared with her was the story of my father because I find that is a beautiful way of saying “today I choose to live with you in my heart”.

A ritual is to recognise a time as sacred.

A ritual helps our hearts heal and healing only happens through love.

These are other ideas I gave her and want to share with you in case one of these rituals resonates with you.

 2.       Write a letter to your loved one

Write down what you would like to say to him / her. Let them know how you feel, what you are grateful for and anything else you wish to share.

You can choose to keep it, or you might prefer to burn it as a symbol of sending it to them.

Write as many letters as you like. There might be something else to say every day, and it doesn’t matter if what you feel like writing is exactly the same, keep letting it out and letting your loved one know.

3.       Write a journal of feelings

It doesn’t matter whether they are happy, sad or angry feelings. It is important to express them all.

4.       Get together with friends and family and share stories

5.       Create a memory box

Keep memories and some personal items of your loved one. My friend Andy shared that his family keeps his grandmothers perfume. What a beautiful way of having her present.

6.       Cook their favourite food and enjoy it in honour of our loved ones.

The other day my friend Nestor, in our day of the dead celebration, shared that he doesn’t like chocolate, but his grandma loved it so much and even smelled so much like it that he has a piece of chocolate every now and then just to be with her. Cute and funny :D

7.       On their Birthday, Christmas, New Year’s, or anniversary buy something for someone in need on behalf of your loved one.

I find this is a beautiful way of celebrating these beautiful dates with them and letting their love permeate to others in the world.

8.      Place a photo and talk to them

 Tell them about your day. Ask for their help. Light a candle. Place some flowers. Let the energy of your loved one enter your heart.

9. Practise Yoga.

Yoga is the action of devotion to life, that which we can and can´t see; a devotion to love. This intimate connection with love and life restores and lightens the heart.

Honouring a loved one after their departure allows the close connection that existed in life to continue after their passing

After the passing of a loved one, a ritual helps you embrace the love of your relationship and at the same time, hold yourself in love. And little by little, that love takes care of grounding you once again.

Rituals give comfort. You rise, and walk again choosing to live. You will not be the person you were before. Today, you will be the one who carries in their heart the greatest love; the love that never dies.